we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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