I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
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He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
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I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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