They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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