Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
