you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
