I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
