I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
