I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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