At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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