he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize