New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
