all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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