My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
