the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
