is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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