Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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