he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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