my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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