so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
