You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We're too hungover to prance.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize