we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
