dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
