So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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