Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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