complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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