So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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