Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
