Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
