I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
