rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
