no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
