hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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