My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
