Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
