It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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