so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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