It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
