I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
