fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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