mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize