I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
