you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
