she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
