I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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