her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
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one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
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He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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