Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
