Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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