I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
