Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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