they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
