I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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