nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
