my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Girls should come with a carfax report
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
