i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
