i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
it glows. i had to have it.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
