I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
