i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
