Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
