I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
