i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
