He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Why did my mother make you get naked?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
