Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Someone signed my nipple.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
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