Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
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I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize