we're chasing vodka with high fives
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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