I didn't shave. On purpose
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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