Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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