Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
