I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
