I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
