that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
