I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
