Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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