i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
