they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
