I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
