whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
