Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
