they need to just BURY HIM!
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
