my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
