I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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