I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i came on her dog
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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