Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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